Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Your everyday (funny short) life stories.

some stories:

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

#820741 (61) - 04/05/2009 at 5:34pm by IfuSeekAmyIdo - love - I agree, your life is f***ed (41906) - you deserved that one (2544)
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Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML

#776738 (179) - 04/03/2009 at 12:19am by kenken2 - love - I agree, your life is f***ed (21486) - you deserved that one (80710)
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Today, my dad was laying down on the couch and i sat down next to him. As i was reading a text message i saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213 (138) - 04/01/2009 at 1:15am by whatashame - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (10149) - you deserved that one (45510)
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Today, I was at lunch with my mom and my sister. We had a cute waiter and I thought I'd be flirty and take a sip of my drink seductively. The straw missed my mouth and went straight up my nose. FML

#817202 (83) - 04/05/2009 at 1:45pm by Anonymous - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (6302) - you deserved that one (34391)
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Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043 (188) - 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm by rebekah - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (59020) - you deserved that one (4306)
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Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

#809473 (93) - 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm by Nikki - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (13223) - you deserved that one (32830)
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Today, I forgot my weed on the kitchen counter before leaving for school. My parents surprised me by coming home a day early from their vacation. My mom had mistaken it for parsley, and it is now on top of my pasta. FML

#787061 (290) - 04/03/2009 at 6:23pm by Anonymous - health - I agree, your life is f***ed (8912) - you deserved that one (51980)
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more on the site: http://www.fmylife.com/

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